Retirement Jokes

Gladys recently moved to a retirement community and walked to a church in her new neighborhood.

She was in awe of the building and the beautiful music, but found the sermon a bit boring.

Looking around, she noticed several parishioners nodding off.

When the reverend finished, he encouraged the congregation members to greet one another.

Gladys turned to a man on her right that was yawning and smiling.

“I’m Gladys Dunn,” she said, offering her hand.

“You and me both,” the man replied.

The preacher’s 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon.

One day, she asked him why.

“Well honey,” he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages.

“I’m asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.”

“How come He doesn’t answer it?” she asked.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”

The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church,

“And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”

Annie replied, “Because people are sleeping.”