Retirement Jokes

One day . . . .

. . . God was looking down at earth and saw all of the selfish behavior that was going on.

So God called one of the angels. “Go down to earth. Find out what is going on.”

The angel returned and reported to God, “Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.”

God thought for a moment, and then decided to get a second opinion. So a second angel was sent.

The angel returned and went directly to God.

“Yes, it’s true. The World is in decline; 95% are misbehaving but 5% are being good.” God was not pleased.

“I will send an email to the 5% who are good.

I want to encourage them and help them keep going. The future of the World depends on them”

Do you know what the email said?…No?…You mean you didn’t get that email either?

A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?”

“No,” replied Johnny, “how could he, with just two worms!”

During the minister’s prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Tommy’s mother was horrified, and she pinched him into silence.

After church, she asked, “Tommy whatever made you do such a thing?”

Tommy answered soberly, “I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!”