Retirement Jokes

While working as an interpreter at a hospital I found myself in the middle of an odd conversation.

The Dr. warned his patient…by drinking and smoking as much as you do you are slowly killing yourself.

The patient just nodded and said: That’s OK I’m not in any hurry.

A small boy is sent to bed by his mother…

[Five minutes later]
“Mom…”
“What?”
“I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?”
“No. You had your chance. Lights out.”

[Five minutes later]
“Mom…”
“WHAT?”
“I’m THIRSTY…Can I have a glass of water??”
“I told you NO! If you ask again I’ll have to spank you!!”

[Five minutes later]
“Mommm…”
“WHAT??!!”
“When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?”

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”

“Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.”

The child thought about this for a moment, then said “So why is the groom wearing black?”

One evening after dinner, my five-year-old son Brian noticed that his mother had gone out. In answer to his questions, I told him, “Mommy is at a Tupperware party.”

This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. Puzzled, he asked, “What’s a Tupperware party, Dad?”

I’ve always given my son honest answers, so I figured a simple explanation would be the best approach. “Well, Brian,” I said, “at a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other.”

Brian nodded, indicating that he understood this curious pastime. Then he burst into laughter. “Come on, Dad,” he said. “What is it really?”