Retirement Jokes

A 90 year old man decides one day that he is not too old to party with the younger crowd.

Wanting to prove that he can still handle it he goes into a trendy modern night club and finds a seat next to a good looking, younger woman nearly half his age, at best.

Trying to recall his best pick-up line, he says: “So tell me, do I come here often?”

“Uh, I mean can you buy me a drink?”

“Darn, which way is it to the bathroom?”

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and make final preparations for her passing.

She met with her priest and told him that she had two final requests.

First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over the shopping mall.

“The Shopping Mall!” the priest exclaimed. “Why the mall?”

“Then, I know my daughters will visit me at least once a week.”

Three old guys, all hard of hearing, were playing golf one sunny spring morning.

One says to another, “Windy, isn’t it?”

“No,” the second man answers, “it’s Thursday.”

The third guy, listening in, pipes up, “So am I! Let’s grab a beer.”

Success is:

• At age 4, success is not peeing in your pants.
• At age 12, success is having friends.
• At age 16, success is having a drivers license.
• At age 20, success is having sex.
• At age 35, success is having money.
• At age 50, success is having money.
• At age 60, success is having sex.
• At age 70, success is having a drivers license.
• At age 75, success is having friends.
• At age 80, success is not peeing in your pants.